Sister Chân Đào Nghiêm

For many years, I have had a wonderful friend by my side. We meet almost every morning when it is still dark. We share tears, smiles, laughter by candlelight, a cup of warm tea by our side. It is a presence that guides me, supports me and helps me to gain clarity, understanding and a deeper, more meaningful relationship with myself. This friend is my journal.

I sit in the early morning and just let my hand write what is there without thinking about it, writing down thoughts as they flow through my mind. It has been a very healing process over the years. It’s a very personal experience that can take many forms. I have pictures of people I love, my family members who have passed away inside the journal. There are inspiring quotes that nourish me, for example:

• May I offer my care and presence unconditionally, knowing that I may be met with gratitude, indifference, anger, or fear.
• May I see my limitations with compassion, as I see the suffering of others.
• Our practice is to focus on arriving at freedom. We just need to practice one method: to put our mind at ease. Everything we do has the mark of ease. Whatever you undertake for your spiritual life should have the mark of freedom and ease.
• Our place of refuge is our capacity to feel joy in being alive, our capacity to accept to live anywhere and still to be happy. The most solid place of refuge for us is our own person. We take refuge in the Buddha in ourselves. This means we take refuge in our own stability, ease, freedom, peace, and joy.

I write about the highlights, the lows of my day, my thoughts and feelings, or something that inspired me, insights from books I read, people I am grateful for, difficult relationships I need to work through, my fears, dreams, things I love. Sometimes it comes as a drawing or poem. Here is a poem I wrote this past November:

Song of the rain
Song of the Earth
A cup of tea
It’s still night
In my heart
Sadness

When I ruminate on some thoughts or something that touches me and causes me discomfort, pain, journaling allows me to get “outside” of my head, helps my mind not to dwell on it and turn it over and over again. It helps me to process the joys and sorrows I experience, to learn valuable lessons from my experiences, and when I read what I wrote, months or weeks later, I can see the regular pattern of my mind, practice with it and thus understand my mind better. It is an outlet to release heavy emotions like anger, frustration, or sadness. Putting these feelings on paper frees me from having them linger in my mind.

I regularly look back at what I wrote, whether it was last year or many years ago. It has been a help in my understanding of my pain. Reflecting on what I have written gives me a greater sense of clarity and insight. I have found this to be very powerful. Through this self-reflection, I can reflect on my thoughts, desires, intentions, and actions, and then take appropriate steps based on that reflection.

For example, reading something I wrote last spring brought back to mind the insight that I had then and the power of walking meditation with the sangha. I was having a difficult time caught in a situation of doubt. This is what I shared with my friend the next morning:

“Yesterday, as I was walking with the sangha, the question ‘What am I doing here?’ as in, ‘What am I doing in this community? Why am I staying here?’ came up. I let the question come and it became ‘What am I doing here?’ in the present moment. ‘Walking, walking, walking,’ each step completely in my own rhythm, which was slower than the sangha’s, but at the same time I was receiving the benefit of the collective energy. The fields with their tall grass, the blue and yellow flowers, the gentle breeze making them sway. The magnificence of Mother Earth. Completely present! The pain and also the steps, the breathing ‘What am I doing here? Breathing, breathing…walking, walking… What am I doing? Listening, listening…’ the chirping of birds, the sound of the wind… ‘What am I doing here? Embracing, embracing…’ Calm mind, fully present. Every step. ‘What am I? Emptiness. Who am I? Emptiness…’”

Journaling helps me understand and work through my emotions, especially when I am feeling anxious or sad. It helps me grow, become more self-aware. It is a powerful way to do inner work. It has led me to meaningful insights and breakthroughs and helped me process difficult emotions and situations.

It helps me to focus on the present moment. Being present without worrying about the past or the future is a very calming and peaceful feeling that relaxes my mind and body. It gives me a chance to slow down, breathe, turn a new page, and be honest about my thoughts and feelings.

With my friend’s unconditional compassion and presence, my return to the many conditions of happiness that I have in the present moment is natural.