My Novice Robe

Brother Chân Trời Bát Nhã

Brother Troi Bat Nha ordained on 27 January 2022 in the Mimosa ordination family and currently resides and practices at Từ Đức Temple, Vietnam. He wrote the following letter on 20 December 2023.

Dear beloved Thay,

Autumn is almost ending, and though winter has not yet arrived, there is already a little bit of chill to this cozy and warm temple, Tu Duc.

Beautiful moments in the early morning, relaxing and free steps in meditation, pleasant weather with the backdrop of the blue sky… A few leaves fall gently in the breeze, while morning dew drops embellish this serene space. My heart embraces them all with much peace.

The time that I live in the heart of the sangha as a 23-year-old novice, full of ideals and aspirations, is indeed precious. It is precious because we all share a mindful lifestyle and the same ideals. Everyday, I am able to collect and store little joys and simple happy moments.

Dear Thay, I feel so lucky because there are many novice monks (śrāmaṇera) and novice nuns (śrāmaṇerikā) at the temple. We are always working side-by-side, attending activities and creating our “childhood” together. I never forget the reminder our elder brothers and sisters have given us: “Novicehood is the most beautiful and powerful time, please treasure it when you still have it in your hands.” I was very happy and joyful to hear those encouraging words. My love and appreciation for these precious moments grow bigger as I live and practice as a novice in the sangha.

As long as there is gratitude, there is happiness

Dear Thay, I feel fortunate to be your disciple. I love my novice brown robe. I deeply cherish the lifestyle infused with understanding and compassion that you, Thay, and the sangha build everyday. Thanks to this lifestyle, day by day, I have been nourished and able to grow in the love, embrace and support of the elder brothers and sisters.

A significant memory I hold dear is receiving the novice robe from the sangha after my ordination. Every time I fasten the eight buttons on my robe, I send my gratitude to the Buddha, the Patriarchs, Thay, the sangha, my blood family, all vegetation, minerals and the cosmos. Each button reminds me to generate gratitude for one element. I practice this daily to water the seed of gratitude within me, and to appreciate what is available to me. So that, when faced with difficulties, I will remember the beautiful and precious wealth I possess.

Through the novice brown robe, I can get in touch with the Buddha, the Patriarchs, Thay, and my spiritual family. Many times, I think, “If I share my thoughts, people will probably laugh at me.” I am often not sure whether to practice the gatha of wearing the robe, or continue with what I have been practicing with the eight buttons. Then suddenly, I realized that as long as I wear my robe with a clear awareness of being in touch with my spiritual family through the robe, that is practicing mindfulness in itself. My heart blooms like a flower, and that flower manifests on my lips everyday.

Looking at each other in great siblinghood

I once had a difficulty with a monastic brother due to a misunderstanding while we were working together. Mental formations of blaming and self-pity came up in me, manifesting through my facial expressions, gestures and other behaviors. I wanted my brother to understand my feelings. I realized how childish I was in my way of behaving! Over the next three to four days, I practiced noble silence, sitting still to look deeply into myself and observe the mental formations manifesting and subsiding.

Reflecting on what I had said and done, I sometimes also recognized that this seed has been transmitted to me from my mom, that seed from dad, or my grandparents, which helped calm me down. However, despite this practice, every time I saw this brother, I still showed my “not beautiful” face and behavior. So, I went into the toilet and looked at my face in the mirror. I clearly saw my angry and upset face, which was not pleasant at all. And yet, my brother had had to endure my unpleasant behavior and face for the past three to four days. Suddenly, I felt much lighter in my heart.

I smiled to myself in the miraculous mirror and thought: “Hello, dear friend. Sorry to let this unpleasant face affect you and your beloved.” After that, I practiced touching the Earth in front of the Buddha and Thay. I whispered to Thay, “I will be present for my brother and definitely practice Beginning Anew to restore our communication today.”

After a few days of not talking to each other, I invited my brother to sit down and spend some time together. He had just finished mindful service, covered in sweat, and compassion for him rose in my heart even more. Sitting together, sharing and listening to each other, our communication was restored. In moments of misunderstanding, when words clash and friction occurs among siblings, I believe we can take it as an opportunity to understand each other better and improve. Thanks to such an experience, I have this simple and nice story to recount to you, dear Thay.

I have met Thay

Once, I saw Thay in my dream. At that time, I was in isolation from the sangha because of COVID-19. That evening, in my sleep, I saw Thay sitting silently in a room, having tea with someone. Upon seeing me, Thay told me to come and sit by his side. I looked at Thay attentively to see Thay clearly and to make sure whether or not I was really sitting with Thay. A dream for eternity! I have always wished for an opportunity to be Thay’s attendant. In the dream, I just sat there, listening to Thay’s sharing, which I cannot remember. Upon leaving the room, Thay gave me his walking stick. I thought, “I can’t remember if Thay ever used a walking stick.” Then Thay said, “Would you piggyback Thay?” I heard it very clearly in the dream. So, I piggybacked Thay and walked slowly without feeling tired (of course, because it was in a dream). Thay put his cheek next to my right ear. Suddenly, a question in Br. Phap Nguyen’s story about being Thay’s attendant, sounded next to my right ear: “Do you know that you are very lucky?”

I woke up startled, tears streaming down my face. I cried because I felt overwhelmingly happy. I quickly found my journal and pen to write down the details of that dream; it was just past four in the morning. I wrote down each word, and within me surged a profound belief that indeed, Thay was present in me, and I was in Thay.

I know that I am very fortunate to be born as a human, to encounter the Three Jewels, and to be a disciple of Thay. I see that all the miraculous conditions and teachings of Thay have been transmitted to me, igniting the flame within me so that I can become a “little novice” in the embrace of the sangha. I am grateful to you, dear Thay, I am grateful to the sangha, and to all conditions that have come together for me to manifest.

Your disciple,
Chân Trời Bát Nhã