Running: Another Way to Stop

Sister Chân Trăng Lâm Hỷ

This year, the Rains Retreat is particularly challenging for me as it seems to live up to its name: it is raining almost all the time and it is difficult to find enough time for exercise, especially going for a run. At one point, when I had the feeling of being completely stuck in myself, my thinking became narrow and my thoughts started orbiting around “little” worries and problems that seemed to grow very big. In these moments, I lose perspective about why I am here and how I actually want to live my life and train my mind. I decided that I can’t wait for better conditions before exercising. I just needed to move and to run regularly. I prefer being “wet and sane” over being “dry and stuck,” and to remember that “there’s no such thing as bad weather, only unsuitable clothing.”

What helped me to get started is knowing from experience that physical activity helps me to get out of this stuck state of mind, to “change the peg,” as Thay said. For others, it may be singing, playing music, painting, crafts or some other kind of exercise, which helps us to open up a “bigger window” in our mind again and not to be lost too much in our daily concerns.

It is almost as if I am discovering running and physical exercise again as a new Dharma door for me. It is not that I run super fast, very long distances or for a long time. But it is the easiest way to bring me to inner space, to see things from a wider perspective and just let go of the grip of repetitive thinking about something that is occupying my mind at the moment. This could be having a difficulty with someone else, just some imagined worries or some thoughts about things that I would like to be different and are difficult for me to accept.

After coming back from a run, I can be with people again, I am able to listen and be more tolerant of others and of my own limitations. Mainly everything seems to be more in balance inside of me. If I don’t move and the energy doesn’t flow, my mind also becomes more and more stuck, judgemental and narrow. I was also wondering if I am running away from something. However, simply moving my body a little bit faster through the countryside actually allows me to come back to my body and feel more alive. The benefits of physical exercise are extremely great. Endurance sports helps to calm the heart beat, deepens the breathing and supports our hormonal balance, just to mention a few. Moving, walking and running is just in our human nature.

Sometimes, I dread Days of Mindfulness, knowing I would be sitting through morning meditation, Dharma talk, formal lunch and Dharma sharing without moving much, thinking something must be wrong with me as it seems to be no problem for others. Though there is “exercise time” in our daily schedule, in my opinion, the dense program and my own laziness often do not support such physical exercise. Running is a more solitary activity, and one has to be determined to do it.

Running as a physical exercise has always been a part of my life in a very ordinary way. I guess I was often thinking that I would be done with it at some point and move on to a more interesting kind of sport. As I am not very competitive, it seemed to bring me nowhere. I did a half marathon once, but most of the time I was one of the last runners, at the end of the widely spread out field of participants. I would only speed up and overtake the second last person in the race in order not to have the broom wagon behind me. I originally studied sport science. Because sports are so competitive, many of us lose the joy of exercising. In my studies, we would look at various research articles about the effects of sports and physical exercise on different illnesses and the positive effect of physical exercise on cardiovascular diseases, cancer patients, depression etc. Although, I know that the benefit is extremely high, especially in societies where we mainly sit in cars and in front of screens; sometimes I would almost get annoyed with the constant “proclamation” that sport is the remedy for all sorts of illnesses.

Something I still like to explore and discover through the practice of mindfulness is how to find a way of being more and more aware while running, how to enjoy the action in itself more, rather than looking forward to feeling spacious after the run. One step in this direction is to deliberately run slower than I naturally would. Most runners start off running too fast. Running slower, I observe the sole of my foot touching the ground and being aware of this little flying phase while running. It helps me be more curious about how this movement is really happening and not to be too attached to the distance that I run, but to run with the attitude of “nothing to do and nowhere to go.”

A quite extraordinary example of a woman of faith living a very sporty, active life is a Christian nun, Sr. Madonna Budder, also known as the “iron nun.” She started running for fun when she was 48 years old. Over time, she got more and more involved in different kinds of races and triathlons. Trying to find a way to also live in accordance with her vows, she was seeking counsel from her bishop, who said, “Sister, I wish some of my priests would do what you’re doing.” She is now 92 and has completed more than 340 triathlons.

Though it is helpful to live an active life from early on and to build a habit of exercising, we can also simply enjoy ordinary running and moving. I run mainly because it helps me to stop: stop being lost in thoughts, stop negative ways of thinking and to come back to being in touch with life through all my senses.