The Sunny Days

Tiên Nguyễn

Tien is a young lay friend in Australia. From time to time, Tien comes to Stream Entering Monastery in Melbourne to practice with the sisters. Her joy and transformation manifest as gently and naturally as the misty spring rain. Below is a letter, in which Tien shared her reflection with a sister.

Dear Sister,

Last time you asked me what I thought about the sisters, but I didn’t have a chance to answer; so, I’ll do it in this letter. ☺

The limitations of language can complicate things. I don’t know how to say it adequately – too succinct is unsatisfactory, but too long-winded does not achieve anything. Nevertheless, in a world beyond language, we already have each other in this moment. Everything feels gentle like a beautiful dream.

Yesterday, I had dinner with several young friends from work. I was glad they didn’t hesitate to take food from my plate as though they were at home enjoying a family dinner. Seeing everyone huddled around, sharing joys with one another, I breathed out a sigh of relief. Luckily, I didn’t become what I imagined I should be according to ideals of success in a professional career; if I had obtained everything I wished for, I might have turned into a monster.

The young friends reminded me of my early twenties. Regrettably, I was not as innocent then, not earnest enough with life; there were only struggles and doubts. At times, I would be at the height of my success, yet I felt like I was sitting in the abyss. I truly had lost so much (more than I ever imagined). The consequences and impact of suffering were spreading like a storm; they inherently were not worthwhile for this short life.

I’m beginning to see the connections in me spreading out and connecting with everything around. The blocks of logic have slowly disintegrated. The disjointed confusions in me at times naturally reconnect like a swollen river flowing over the parched land, smoothing out the crusty earth.

I’ve also stopped rejecting the imperfect loves that do not meet my expectations. It was at this place of acceptance that I felt the presence of the sisters around me. These miracles I’ve experienced are continuations of the things the sisters have helped me see, and also of the lovely things that have come into my life.

There is no need to keep people near me. No matter where they go in the world, they will always be in my heart.

People often say that I am smart and I also see it in myself. Yet, I didn’t want to study anything when I was at the monastery. The sisters sweetly spoiled me. They cooked delicious food for me, allowed me to sleep wherever I preferred, let me make mistakes and be silly, allowed me to love and always welcomed this mischievous little child who did not yet know how to flow along.

To me, the sisters’ compassionate tolerance is like a superpower. It is a type of love that is full of openness and freedom. Being embraced by that love, all knowledge, logic, comparison that I have suddenly disappears, leaving me speechless. Anything I say seems inappropriate. I therefore, would just sit still and enjoy the tenderness of the heart, tasting the sweetly gentle happiness that is not describable by words.

Suddenly, I feel so much love for the Buddha, our ancestral teachers and Thay. They had to find ways to encase such beautifully simple things into the limited and complicated confines of languages in order to share them with us, because our hearts have been blind for so long. A truly extraordinary endeavor!

I’m grateful to the Buddha, our ancestral teachers, Thay, the sisters and everyone who has been a continuation of this path so that we have the conditions to meet each other amidst this great big world.

There are spectacularly sunny days and there are days of endless rain. However, I’m now simply doing the things that the sisters have done for me. I know I will still make mistakes, encounter stormy days, and wander around. There will be times when my hands become so thorny that they will inflict wounds on whatever they touch. During those times, I hope we can sit together to enjoy a meal or ice cream in silence, or laugh together watching a koala bear outside the front door…

I hope that all may have lasting peace.